Friday, November 09, 2007

So for the first time since I left Canada, I’m stagnating. It’s not just a feeling I’ve been having recently, but a general fact. It's not something I’ve been doing deliberately or even due to a lack of motivation or effort either. The universe seems to be conspiring against me in order to keep me in a place of ever constant stasis. There are no progressions, but also no digressions, just a lot of standing around in one place with thoughts of moving forward flowing through my otherwise idle brain. A routine has developed now. Not the worst one I admit, but a routine none the less, and one that is taking me nowhere. For some this would be fine, but at the age of twenty four, I can’t help but feel that now is my time for action. The difficulties of getting film work, even unpaid temp positions in the French cinema industry have long ago crushed most of my hopes for success in that field prior to my return to Canada. Perhaps I can continue to be creative? I shot a film last year before setting out on my trip. It does not appear to want to be edited. As soon as I arrived in this apartment, my friend’s computer, which was to be left to me during his absence, crashed. I’ve spent much time and money trying to repair the damn thing but whenever it seems that things may be looking up, a minor problem prevents me from achieving my modest goal of editing the film. French beurocratic bullshit has also gotten my goat as of late, but I have no intent on boring the already bored reader with that nonsense, despite to say that it’s a circular process leading from one establishment to another, foolishly thinking your problems will soon be resolved as the people leading you on this wild goose chase snicker behind you knowingly as you walk out the door. Despite being a citizen, I can’t even open a bank account in this country in order to cash the pay check I just earned.
So why am I still here? First, it’s Paris, second I have an unbelievably cheap apartment, third, the new girlfriend and fourth, the hope that some time soon, maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but possibly the day after, I may escape this rut and actually accomplish something. I’m probably kidding myself, but hey, I like jokes, so I’m waiting around for the punch line.
I suppose this is the reason I haven’t written in this thing for a while. Despite my complaints, I have been having fun here, going to chocolate conventions and gorging myself on free samples, exploring bone filled catacombs under the city, daytrips out of Paris to small towns, staying up all night playing video games, watching countless free movies from my work and even eating expensive French food I can’t afford now and then. So why am I complaining? Forget it. I’m not.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Baby,
Sometimes we need to stagnate to rest and recharge. Just look at it that way and then you don't need to take responsibility or feel lazy. I suppose if this stage lasts for too long, you'll have to react, but for now, just enjoy!!Say hi to your girlfriend for me and tell her how much she will like your auntie Belle. I was saying to your mother a few nights ago that I feel the need for a Justin fix soon but I can imagine that the thought of coming back to Canada must seem unreal to you after all this time. Maybe it will be easier if Yvonne is also coming back. I think about you alot!
Love you to pieces
Belle

3:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holler boiiiii
arrre you serious? being in a state of stasis if my favourite of all states. It’s like lying in a hammock of pillows. Constant progression is tiresome haha. And then you will need that hammock of pillows again.

You know what may heighten your spirits? Get drunk and put on a beret, draw a curly, stereotypical French moustache on and hit random people on the street with baguettes. Doing this may also result in the swift departure from paris, therefore solving your problem of stagnation.

Where are these chocolate conventions you speak of? Are they on the same level of greatness as the cheesecake factory? If so, you lucky duck you.
Good luck
Casey

4:04 PM  
Anonymous ian said...

Dear ChocolateBones in Paris,
Equilibrium sure is frustrating for restless souls with big ideas.
I'm trying to keep the forward momentum by working on a couple writing projects, exercising, and making money. The latter two aren't really the exciting kind of forward motion I dream of, but I've heard they help grease the wheels.
Anyway, do what you can now, and don't let the universe determine you (if possible? ... (?) )
- BonelessSushi in Japan

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bonjour de tante Josée de cagnes, juste à 1000kms de toi..
c'est la 1e fois que je t'écris de si près!!!
J'ai eu un peu de mal à comprendre tout!! mais dans l'ensemble ça va..
N'oublie pas que si tu veux manger un peu de lentilles , tu vas à Lamorlaye il y aura aussi quelques moules à la sauce tomate. (maintenant que tu sais qu'Yvonne aime tu peux y aller!!!haha).
Profite aussi pour visiter toutes les belles choses de Paris avant que tu ne te décides à quitter la région.
N'oublie pas , si tu as besoin de quoi que ce soit, de m''écrire ou m'appeler ... Je ne suis pas loin..
Bisous des arbiol
Mamie a dit " Dile a Justin que se ponga 2 chaquetas un gorro y una bufanda al cuello que va a hacer mucho frio...) j'ai transmis et j'espère que tu as compris!!!haha

5:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Things do seems to be conspiring agin' you! Let them conspire for a short time and then COME HOME!!!!! By the way, I second Mami's advice! Learn it!!!

Love,
mommy

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Janet said...

Dear friend, in my experience, the times of so-called stagnation are often periods of intense growth. It may be subtle but you really have grown a lot this past year. For example, you can actually write a grammatically correct sentence now! You are developing your voice. I see much more depth and insight in your musings. Not having read for awhile perhaps it is more apparent to me. Sometimes we think we are stagnating until some sort of situation blindsides us and causes us to have tostand up to the plate so to speak, and then, only in hindsight perhaps, you can see that what may have mistaken for stagnation was actually a period of intense personal growth. Janet

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I add my amen to Jan's comment!

Love...mommy...again

5:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also like Casey's wonderful idea. You'd look great in a curly moustache and beret...but eat the baguette! It would be a crime against everything speakable and unspeakable to waste a yummy french baguette!

Love...mommy...once more

5:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you think ur stuck justin? everyday i wake up at 7 tired as hell and spend half of my school day trying to awake from my dazed state and when i finally do wake up i bus home only to sleep again, just say the word and ill switch u spots because id kill to be in France drinking wine,speaking french and partying the night away
love mike

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me, too!!!

Your muzzer

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Je vois que tous pensent que tu es "chanceux" d'être à paris..
sans doute c'est une aubaine!!!
N'oublie pas le Beaujolais Nouveau .. Il faut le goûter(avec modération) car il ne dure pas longtemps.Hier le 15 c'était la sortie officielle de ce vin..

12:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

suite

Attention je ne t'incite pas à la débauche!!! haha.(l'alcool tue)
ici c'est le grand froid il a neigé à Nice et à grasse c'est presque le canada!!
Lucien et Gilbert sont à Mazarron en train de pêcher .(2 semaines)
Bises de tante Josée

12:24 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

Shelley, Yeah I think you're right about the stagnation thing. It's alright for a little while. It will be strage to come back to Canada, but I'm looking forward to it too. No matter which of my friends, they all like auntie belle. Miss you!

Casey,
Good idea. I will try to take you up on the hitting of people with bread, and costumes are also fun. Sounds jolly good. Chocolate convention is a once or twice a year thing here. Chocolate makers from all over the world come and sell their chocolate and give away samples...which is why I was there. Ate so much chocolate I felt high. What cheesecake factory? I must go to this place.

Ian, yeah, das is good advice. Glad you're making use of your time. I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't.

Josee,
It was really nice to see you when you were down. Thank you for the offer, I may come visit soon. Thank Mami for the advice and tell her I understood. hahaha. She once told me to wear a jacket and long pants to the beach, and I did, and everyone else was in thongs. As for the wine, I will try to get my hands on some before it's gone...you're right, I should drink more!

Mike,
Not partying quite as much as you think I am. It's too expensive here, and my job doesn't pay well enough, and I work till 12 am, so it's not set up for partying. I guess I still shouldn't complain though. I'd take Paris over Uni right now, although, learning is fun, donchathink? three cheers for learning. later.

Janet,
I think and hope you're right. Guess I'm just doing what needs doing right now...which is nothing. No point sulking about it. Especially in a place like this. As for sentence structure, I think it's maily due to the fact that I now have time to think about my writing as opposed to just getting it all down and then leaving the internet cafe before my money runs out. Also, not as much has been happening to me lately, so I have to doctor up my writing so as to make it sound exciting...for my own sake.


Thanks for all your comments!
Justin

5:19 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

Muzzer,
I forgot to write to you. Yes, things can do what they like I suppose. Nuttin I can do about things. I will come home soon. Don't worry! I actually want to come home soon, although t'will be difficult.

5:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, cousin Moweenie here,
Why don't you become a tour guide.
Live here in London, but make a fantasmastic brochure about riding wild elephants, partying in Paris, visiting the Islands of Greece, chasing wild boars and visiting the unusual river Ganges, etc, etc, etc. Just fill in some of your blog experiences and say that they are from some of your previous tour clients.
Sounds like a winner. You get to travel and they pay for it!!!

11:10 PM  
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